Kevinwilliamssoundsoff's Blog

Take me out to the Lie-lemma

kevinwilliamssoundsoff — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 19:41:24 +0000

Oh dugout dilemma with what does she do. She likes the blast from the past blowing up her super self sputtered soul while allowing cataracts to distract her Jumbotron birds eyes view from the leading home run, RBI, designated hitter waiting at her home sweet home plate with contract enforced by this gentle-man’s agreement of honor. Would honoring the decision that she made to 4-sake ALL others come with conditions that are as lofty as a flyball when it comes to old base stealers? It can make sense I guess, if you’re in the stands and your watching the game. When you don’t know, as she does, what the plays are, how they’ve been drafted and practiced in the off-season, how they are studied and committed to when her uniform is crisp and clean with no turf war green grass stains. Is she blinded by the sun that happens during the days of summer under floresecent flood lights? Maybe breaking a hearts’ spirit and shattering the hope of the stickball fantasy that allows one to even start dreaming of trying out for the short stop, is the true field of dreams with trampled ears, squashed squash and scarecrows a plenty. Hey Ump, why does she keep allowing these curve balls to keep sliding past home plate? Letting the cleated feet, steal bases, when she should be swinging away? Those bench players now riding pine have had their chances and with them, they struck out! Once a person has been recognized as a retiree, they are out of the game. She can still admire the jersey and memories from a far, hell even the current ball player pays homage to that of the past without jealousy or slander. A hall of famer has his place, hanging out in some distant hall. I mean honestly, who lets a person that they have cut from the roster come and play? how many retired players get suited and come out, warm up, practice? or influence the current plays? Hell, even ride the bus to or from the stadium? None, Not a one, when its done its done! Seriously gal, this mofo already had his chance, right? Second chances are given not mistakenly fallen into and especially not by the provider of said chance. I know you like the crowd cheers, the notoriety, and jock (straps) thrown your way as you round the bases, but that there is truly foul and you bouts to be call out in the 9th inning…now who’s winning. Do you wanna ride the bus in disgust, watching the new champion hoist the award above his head as the crowd lifts him over their shoulders? Be careful lady, the bullpen is not a place to wave your red skirt flag, you may be released of your contract all together…

Character Ass-Assassin

kevinwilliamssoundsoff — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 16:17:24 +0000

When you twist and turn what is real for you and put it on me, you are that ass, no this is not an assumption, the ole misdirection about “when you assume…” will not apply here, it is you. The whole hole-in-one big ole pile of maneuvering manure. Quite a ca-ca ploy to keep doo-ing, but what can I say, the nasty old reoccurring, constantly circling flies should have tipped me off, stories of the multi-eyed pest that you my dear Pig-Pen love to keep around your dusty butt.

As we can all tell you live for the #2 so let’s look at that mess sure to be expelled from the hole, to flaky to be called pie: “What? What do you mean? I don’t know? It’s hard? “

But its not at all, its easy to love, to tell flies to shoo, to not play in your freekin’ feces, actually its healthy, its adult, its what you do when you stop blaming your actions on adolescent actions that have since been part of your past’s past.

I pass, pass on the 2nd heaving, the constipation of your understanding of relation, you self-adorned admiration for placation that ONLY unbeknownst to you, splatters back and tells the story of your excremental foul bowel-havior. Whatever, not gonna let it bring the idea of rising above…the potty-trained collective will just chalk it up to Shit Happens! Deuces!

Come on Irene

kevinwilliamssoundsoff — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 23:06:54 +0000

As I sit the couch, awaiting Hurricane Irene to blow on thru, a few thangs ran thru my dome (1) I better have enough libations to make it thru this Inconvenient Truth truth, wind and water churning its way up the coast, switching categories like an insecure Jeopardy contestant (2) I’m gonna be locked in the house all day, it’s a different thing when i decide to do it myself but when the big melting apple pot has shut down the subway, I feel confined, good thing I love my borough and brownstone domicile. (3) Why is a whole hell of a lot of folks freaking the fudge out??? Friends (that dont live on the East Coast), Family (that don’t live on the East Coast) and New Yorkers, (that live here and are usually tough as titanium nails )are tripping like Armageddon is upon us. I get that it’s not a usual occurrence in this city like subway car performances or rat rail jumping, but come on, where i all the resilience and posturing that most display to the response of life in NYC?

I havent had this much activity on my phone in the 4 years I’ve lived here since that time AT & T crossed my line with that pizza delivery service with a happy ending if you used the code word More-Zorella. Are you ok? Maybe you should get out-of-town for a couple of days, make sure you where clean underwear, did you wash your hands, did you flushed? Do you have a will?

RELAX, take a chill pill, eat a cheesecake, whatever you need to do, do it and Sit…it…down.

I understood more the reaction of the earthquake that shook the streets after travelling from the nation’s capital earlier in the week, specially so close to the decade anniversary of the Trade Tower attack, but even then as I rolled with the wave of crust plates slapping high fives, I knew that wasnt the prelude to Jes-us Christ’s encore.

If Ms. Wet Windy does come thru with a fury of a Puerto Rican abuela that is tired of watching all her kids’ kids on her birthday after she done pre purchased her bingo dabber and bedazzled rosary, I say Come on bring it Irene, cause I got a cyclone full of stuff I cant wait to whip out in my next lifetime !!!

Love in the age of aging

kevinwilliamssoundsoff — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 17:10:00 +0000

I just heard something the other day from super sexy seventy year old lady that floored me, not in the way of knocking me down to the actual floor, but it did feel like my aorta dropped a few meters. She was talking bout love and life and noticing while making adjustments to things that had changed in her mind and ultimately her life as she grew older. The conversation went from family, friends to lovers. She made mention of a moment when she had to think about the rest of her life (10 years ago) and whether or not she would remain in a marriage that was, no longer making her happy, wait for it, not the sexual component, but the exchange between one person and another. I thought how many times have I stayed entangled in a relationship (sexual, friend, family, work, ALL) just thinking about what was currently happening (or not) but not about what that feeling could and possibly would grow into if it was allowed to…would that be something that would make whatever remaining time in this expression of my lives happy??? From that, this thought popped into my mind…I’ll drop it here and leave you to ponder and respond: At this point in my life, I don’t consider a statement I heard then started to believe as bond applies as my truth anymore; At this moment, at this age, I don’t accept the terms “fell in or falling in love” as an adult with all my “experience/history/tradition” around that area, I walk upright into love, as an adult clear on what I want, where I will go, what I will do. I own my creation and solicitation of love, not allowing it to be determined or lessened by happenstance and gravity.

Check yourself before you wiggity wreck yourself!

kevinwilliamssoundsoff — Mon, 09 May 2011 17:32:53 +0000

If you have “never felt this way about anyone before” you gotta get to understanding that in every way. I find when folks make that declaration they do themselves a disservice by accepting & enjoying this new-found feeling by measuring, reacting to and diminishing its reality & potential for greatness by lumping it in with those lesser feelings of hurt & pain that have unfortunately stained their lives in some dreadful previous exchange. Seriously, look at the contradiction in this idea: I’ve never had this feeling before about a person or place but I will judge him or it and hold her or it to standards and scrutiny of those feelings I have had usually in conjunction with a bad time, space, relationship that is not only different but by omission of the statement less than what is currently euphoric in states of bliss and bountifulness of the ninth cloud you hover above. Why does your association with this fresh feeling get muddled with the coping mechanisms you created specifically to deal or disengage with a stale part of your life that you wouldn’t revisit at your own will? When she has learned from that & taught herself how to safeguard against it with others why does she disregard this vital insight? I say trust that judgment. Not by wearing blinders, but blockers to protect from that bullshit. It has baffled me when that foolishness invades & permeates to the point that folks will deny themselves chances at healing happiness with this unchartered, possibly fantasized opportunity of love, companionship & mutual respect by treating new prospects with the behavior that either the injured party got from a previous jerk or behavior created to protect themselves from pain delivered by those unworthy space invaders who inflicted said garbage. If you never felt this way before you & your responses have earned the right to be new & different, to reflect what you feel now organically, not offensively. Your premeditated practices not only challenge the new love, it keeps you receptive to retrograde re-hashments of regrets & revenge that’s not meant for the current. The posture you display is for the past douche you’re already done with, but the remnants are felt by you & the newbie, while the offender has since moved past your payback. You swinging on the wrong peeps. Stomping yourself in the great San Francisco fire while smoldering the sweet surging of spring’s awakening gardenia that the showers you weathered have sprouted.

We often think because it’s been said that we learn from our mistakes, that is gospel, I offer a tune from your spirit that resonates differently. I offer that is not the case, when we think like that it allows us to take those unadvised or not thought about risks as a way of “living” or taking a chance, so when less than desired outcomes show up we can use that line and not feel publicly guilty about not doing the preventive work before hand…”What? Everybody does it, you know its true what they say, you learn from your…” NOT. I have learned from running the control tests on myself that we can better grow & learn from our experience. Understand the difference? We grow from doing, living and being, especially when we do this in a manner that does not and will not purposely hurt others. Even if there is something that didn’t turn out like we wanted, we can look at it as not a mistake, but an outcome of testing something out. Different & specific enough to alleviate guilt we associate with mistakes, failure or “getting played” all of which drives us to never let that happen again by sabotaging ourself or not allowing each platform to stand on its own foundation.

Flirting with dANGER, no more Im gonna play with Stacy.

kevinwilliamssoundsoff — Sat, 11 Sep 2010 12:42:45 +0000

Why believe what is said in the heat of repair

to now my deep dispair,

How do you trust that tin man that has plenty rust?

When do the words spoken only reflect the wish

That you wished and fished out of a scumy murky pond.

Not fond.

I know you have said it a million times before

why must you say it once more.

Your ears dialated? Your heart is truly anialated!

So go on, dont flirt with the anger in danger

wink at the sexpot in the Rover, yeah Ranger.

leave that little brat right back in that manger.

Now let that star guide you to what truly shines for you

You dont have to travel in a pack of three, but you most certainly need to be a Wise Man…

To bring it back like a Members Only jacket, just cause you had an applicant sign up and pledge to be part of the group doesnt mean that you can re-eval the membership, the attention and adherence to bi-laws and tennants or simply oust the mutha smuckers.

But if your aorta has been attached and ravaged by a coronary attack, you have to change your habit and proceed differently while your still in the same body.

Thanks, I got it. Let this be the day it was put on notice… That’s how you wanna do it…OK…Im there, she knows she needs to do for herself just like you do. Not in anger but in angst. You forgot your words are loud and clear even when they’re not directly spoken. Well check out this body language bulge with expression.

I LOVE that I Love!!! 8/23/2010

kevinwilliamssoundsoff — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 05:51:50 +0000

Looking back I have always been pretty ambivalent about my proclivity and preference to LOVE. Not sure if it traditionally has been the stuff reserved for the women folk (perceived weakness) or not wanting to be judged for yet another difference from that of the other men (specifically Black men) but at this moment. 1:00 am, really not 12:53 or 104, but straight up and down with a slight kick to the right, I love that I love. I love myself, my family, my adopted feline affinity, Leteesha that is truly David taking a 2020 quantum stone throwing slingshot to fuck Goliath’s whole bullying way of living up, my confidants and teachers, my whack job friends, my coat(s), my way of thinking (majority of the time) My Twinex, my options, and Johnny Gil, cause i wanna say My-My-My & acknowledge Stacy Lattisaw as well. Hey K2, what up with you? I could go on and on and on talking about Joy, Hartfield, Kevin, Esperanza, Commy, Tonya, and Lizz, cause ya know i love her, but really I just keep coming back to moi.

No, not air-a-gent-lee but per-son-ally: I like that I have the desire to think about loving and showing the world what I believe LOVE and compassion & clarity to be. I don’t know where it stems from but all I need to feel is that it…does. The soil from which this seed burst thru is unknown, but clearly not owned by the 3 major conglomerates that own and operate all the corn, chicken, awwwwww hell food for the US and more and more the planet.

It looks like this is turning into a 1:14 rant and has abandoned the 1:00 LOVE fest but that’s not true, just old faith-fulling a few toxins and temporary true tumors so I can give life to the healthy holistic harmonious homo-genious homeopathic hodge-podge that is here. That which you would not lay pupils on if society had its way. If those 1 %’ers had their corporative cognate coercive CON-suasive ways to convolute and characterize culture and commerce to their consumive cultish conversations…wow a whole Salem Lot of ”C’s” but no one ”Sees”. By the way i LOVE making up words to fit the mood too!!

Back to me. The LOVE I speak of is that of owning, showing and performing all that smoldering shut in stuff that keeps us swindfully swimming solely with soulless spirit, that inside insomnia that insights idiocradic insufferable insurg-a-nistic insatity to incredible incidiousness. LOVE is a way of checking myself, even when it does not feed the need of the insatiable meglamaniac that wants to be India.arie and Lenny Kravitz friend cause I know if they’d feel me if they knew me…whooo wheee.

My soul I leave here on this 1-0-111-01110-1001- wall to be understood and criticized as simply this. A longing to be fine as the greatness that is inherent and most certainly specifically mine. Just enough to be way to much is what I’m aiming for in LOVE and tell ya what…Im almost there.

I used to feel so afraid of realizing and performing at such a higher level of consciousness than I had ever known or been told that it stiffened me up, but not now. I look LOVE right in the eye and say, YEAP whatever happens I gave enough room to move and to accept if you had to move away to do it your way. When and if that happens I (hope hard to remember) that I didn’t want your leaving me to define me or our time together, but that I get what must go the way it does/has/will to play a tune so melodic those that don’t know how to or want to write songs still sing along…loud…like in the shower, golden that you’d die before someone, a LOVE one would hear come from your life fear…I LOVE that I Love, Do you ”heart” too or just wait to come across the ”big apple” to buy a $10 dollar Times Sq shirt that cost $1 in production in Pakistan to understand???

Be Agreesive , B E Agressive

kevinwilliamssoundsoff — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 13:37:22 +0000

You know how they say that it’s not that you win, its how you play the game, or something like that? Well whats up when somebody signs up for the game, gets suited up then gets selected to play, gets passed the ball and…nothing. No dribble, no execution of plays and plans talked about in huddles, thought about in practice sessions before getting to the court. This is when the rubber meets the road. You’ve waited for this moment all you life…to do nothing. This is your time to shine and not a glimmer…of hope. So what do you do as the other players? the coach? Your dreams are dashed, eyes filled with saline visions of what could have been if only a shot had been taken. If only you went up for the rebound, hell cause a foul, just be active and go for you goal. SO what did you do? You’ve made to the National Championships but you’re unsure if you can depend on your star player to play with conviction. Why oh Why are you having a LaBron James moment. Originally drafted but just got shafted.

On a crowded train, this train of thought cleared free of my mind

kevinwilliamssoundsoff — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 20:39:00 +0000

Even tho you might not believe in “Exceptions” to the rules, that in no way negate their existence. These are the opportunities that life, experience & desires afford us to address & challenge the Status Quo, not the real deal, the most voted for, not absolute, but the most agreed upon idea, the thought that has the loudest bark doesn't mean it's the correct thing to be shouted or touted. Individuals have to live independently at times in response to a set of rules. My question is who orchestrated these rules? For what reasons? The answer is the same for all mandates, to control, to keep you in line. To have some evidence to prosecute the guides by which you control & manage yourself in your own life have to be tailored to yourself by yourself. You ultimately decide what you do, what you follow, what you choose to believe & what kind of person you are & continue to work at to become, sustain & surpass. Automatic responses to situations are still fueled by some part of your being, it's your duty to discover & uncover those insecurities, motives & driving desires to get at the core of what's really going on with you & why? Stop blaming evil wrong forces, you not forced, you made the decision even of you didn't notice the perceived outcome could affect you pass the moment's outcome you absolutely were aware of & wanted to have happen as it did in your fantasy or recollection of previous “similar” space.

Why. Why? Why!

kevinwilliamssoundsoff — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 13:22:20 +0000

Why did you have to disrespect me in the name of your sporadic love.- You bad, own who you are and stop tossing quicksand my way.

Why do you engage me in the fantasy that you know it’s not real in your head?–stop trying to run your game

Why did I almost have to die to see the graffiti on the wall!–Loving love so much I didn’t realize love don’t love me no more